Simply Soupy!

So, I found out from my pops that my paternal grandparents are getting a divorce after 20+ (almost 30) years together... Wait a minute--I need to get some Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway up in here.

There we go.

It was quite a shock to my mom, but it wasn't really surprising to me. I could sense some tension between the two when I met them three years back. I don't know any of the details really. My grandpa doesn't talk about it and I don't try to probe him. I ask him if he's okay and just try to keep in touch with him. He called me on Memorial Day, and he sounds better than when I last talked to him.

Ultimately, it gets me to thinking my attitude towards romantic relationships. I've never been in one for several reasons. One in particular is just the fear of breaking up after investing a lot into a relationship. (I am trying really hard to not get into communication research mode) Risk comes with the territory, for without risk trust is non-issue. There needs to be a certain element of risk in order to build trust. However, I just like to avoid the risk altogether. Therefore, I don't try to forage any form of close or intimate relationship. I know it's not necessarily a good thing, and I think I'm opening up more, but I still have that wall. There are so many benefits to having romantic relationships...well, in just having close relationships in general. According to several studies (I would list them if EBSCOhost was working for me), various aspects of maintaining healthy romantic relationships (e.g. self-disclosure) attributes to all sorts health benefits from lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol, etc. It also helps with mental stability as well. Just overall, one feels better about themselves when in a healthy romantic relationship.

I know most of the reason why I don't like the risk is because I have yet to really see a healthy romantic relationship in action (this is strickly in reference to my maternal side of the family as my father and his folks wasn't around). My mom never married, nor will marry anyone because she doesn't like to be in long term relationships. One of my aunts got married, but that was not a stable relationship from the get go (quite abusive actually) and so they got a divorce. My grandma didn't get married, although she lived with her "husband" for 16 years, and she refers to him as her husband. However, it was an abusive relationship as well, and has never been in another long term relationship since the age of 41. One of my uncles got married in the early 90s and still remains married to his wife, but it is really not a stable relationship. Everyone else has been doing their own thing--dating, but never really settling with anyone. For the most part, they don't even believe in romantic love.

I was different. I saw myself getting married and having a healthy romantic relationship. The more I learning about interpersonal communication (which talks about issues of close and romantic relationships a lot), the more I have faith that I can have successful relationships and eventually a successful marriage. I realize that in the end relationships with go through metamorphosis throughout its course, thus it takes both partners have to work through these changes to keep the relationship afloat.<<Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose>>

I definitely see myself opening up to the idea of dating. I have several "suitors" now-lol. It just that the only issue that I foresee is my lack of religious beliefs. It doesn't affect how I see them as people. I think all three of them are great guys in general with bright futures. Since they all live a ways from me, I won't see them until fall. So, I'm looking foward to what this school year will bring. 

Yay! So another school year has passed. It has been hell especially since I had that bad mono episode that put me out of commission. The lab tech fucked up my arm, so I had to take an incomplete for my intro to photoshop class, but I get to complete the final project over the summer, so I guess it's all good. I think I did not do so well on any of my finals, but I did pretty darn good on my research papers, so I think my grades will be okay too. I'm just happy to get another school year out of the way.

But a part of me is kinda dreading the summer in a small way. You see, there is this guy who I had a crush on ever since I first saw him in my writing for mass media class. I had to do an interview with him in front of the class, and I didn't really notice him until that point. He was (and still is) gorgeous! I learned throught the interview that he was in several musicals in high school, was in a band, and went to Russia on a mission trip and loved working with the kids there. So the guy can sing and he likes kids? A man after my own heart. Well, after that we didn't have any other classes with each other, but we would bump into each other every now and then and talk. However, this spring we had History and Theory of Rhetoric together. We didn't talk much for the most part, but towards the end (after my arm got jacked up) we really hit it off. Today, after our final we bumped into each other. He asked me if I thought I aced the test. I told him no. I know I didn't because there was an entire section that I bombed (but I was absent for Toulmin, so I wasn't expecting to do well with that). We talked a little more and he gave me a hug. Then he asked me about my arm and I told him that it was just about one hundred percent. And then he decided that he was going to pray for me, and proceeded to do so praying for good health and for a good summer for me. He also said that I was beautiful and amazing and I had a beautiful soul and a ton of other complements which I couldn't remember because I was on cloud nine.

See, I'm really attracted to him, but I see a problem. I'm agnostic and he's quite a dedicated Christian. He's not one who will thump the Bible down on you--he's pretty chill. However, I feel like the issue of religion would pop up eventually. I think he knows that I'm not religious after the first conversation we had over my arm where he decided to pray for it. That skeptical look came over my face and he said something to the extent of "Well, prayer works, you know." I'm willing to take a chance. I would not knock him for what he believes in, even if I don't believe it. I feel like religion is a personal choice and that no one has the right to force you to believe in a particular believe nor force you to not believing what you believe. These decisions should be solely your own. However, it is in the Bible that interfaith relationships are not meant to be because couples are not able to be spiritually yoked. I think it's BS, but some people feel that. I just hope that we are able to get in touch with each other over the summer and perhaps makes something happen. I'm tired of being single. With all of the stresses in my life now, it would be nice to have someone there supporting me, and just to simply have someone to love and feel loved.

Well, I'm supposed to be working on some school stuff, but I feel like wasting some time and just avoiding it all together so I'm blogging. I haven't blogged in a few days because my right arm had become so painful to use. Pretty much, I got some blood drawn last Thursday to see if I had mono and they screwed up somehow. So as my vein was repairing itself, my arm and hand was subjected to a really annoying pinching sensation and a ton of pain if I tried to use it. It's feeling better. I just can't type for long periods of time. I want to kick the lab tech's ass right now!!!

So, I took my laptop to Best Buy and it seems that all I needed was a new AC/DC adaptor. The new one, a universal adaptor is $89.99, and my Grandpa is picking up the tab (Bless Him)! So now I feel great. My files aren't lost! I still have to wait awhile to get it, but I still have my laptop so that's fantastic.

Just as I think things could not get any worse, my laptop now doesn't work any more. I did not even get a chance to get any files. Luckily the important stuff were on my flash drives (touch wood for that).

It's been ages since I last blogged (so much for blogging daily). I've been so busy these past couple of months that I have barely had any time for myself. Now I've contracted something, possibly Mono Tiki Tia (aka glandular fever, aka mono). I've had tonsil and lymphatic swelling in my neck for the past few months, so I decided to go to the doctor on Thursday because I just couldn't take the discomfort anymore. She thinks it's mono and I got some blood work done. It makes since, but I just don't know how I would have contracted it if I don't share drinks with other people and I haven't kissed anyone, nor have I been around anyone who has it (or at least that I know of). I took a couple of days off from classes. All of my professors wished me a speedy recovery and told me not to stress on their assignments.

In other news, I found out that I won't be getting work study over the summer so I have to find a summer job. I'm thinking about stopping by a few places soon and see if there are openings.

I think I'm going to go and take a nap now. Dowsiness has kicked in.

Is it really not Friday the 13th because it sure felt like it for me today.

• The morning was fine. Things were going swimmingly until...
• Work. The kids were quite rambunctious, and that got on my nerves.
• Then I was happy to go to staples to try to get a RAM chip for my laptop so I can download a free trial version of Illustrator so I could do my art project comps. However...
• My computer would not accept the chip.
• Then I tried to download Adobe Illustrator on my mother's computer, but it didn't have any more RAM either.
• SO it looks like I'll have to head to school tomorrow as soon as the art building opens so that I can do a half as job in getting my comps done.

It doesn't sound too bad, and my day could have been worse.
OH, and I left my Rhetoric textbook in one of my classes so I can't do my reading response like I planned. Today is certainly NOT my lucky day.

I have way to much shit to do for classes. It is insane. I decided to not do some stuff because...shit something's got to give. Luckily I have some assignments that I can not do and it won't affect my grade. I'm just worried about getting my comps done for intro to photoshop, illustrator, and InDesign done because I have such a limited time to work on them. I hope I can get it done in time.

I have way to much shit to do for classes. It is insane. I decided to not do some stuff because...shit something's got to give. Luckily I have some assignments that I can not do and it won't affect my grade. I'm just worried about getting my comps done for intro to photoshop, illustrator, and InDesign done because I have such a limited time to work on them. I hope I can get it done in time.

All I did today was failed epically at doing homework. I'm getting up at the butt crack of dawn to try to get some work done before classes. I have to do a field study by Wednesday for Communications Research, and I don't really know what I want to do. I guess I'll conduct a 30 minute semi-structured interview which will be based on the topic I have. Now I'm sort of regretting that I did not pick something to do with non-verbal communication because observing people would be easy.

I'm still frustrated that I cannot get illustrator on my laptop. I don't have the money to buy more RAM. This sucks ass.

Well I guess I did have something to say after all...