1 post tagged “divorce”

So, I found out from my pops that my paternal grandparents are getting a divorce after 20+ (almost 30) years together... Wait a minute--I need to get some Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway up in here.

There we go.

It was quite a shock to my mom, but it wasn't really surprising to me. I could sense some tension between the two when I met them three years back. I don't know any of the details really. My grandpa doesn't talk about it and I don't try to probe him. I ask him if he's okay and just try to keep in touch with him. He called me on Memorial Day, and he sounds better than when I last talked to him.

Ultimately, it gets me to thinking my attitude towards romantic relationships. I've never been in one for several reasons. One in particular is just the fear of breaking up after investing a lot into a relationship. (I am trying really hard to not get into communication research mode) Risk comes with the territory, for without risk trust is non-issue. There needs to be a certain element of risk in order to build trust. However, I just like to avoid the risk altogether. Therefore, I don't try to forage any form of close or intimate relationship. I know it's not necessarily a good thing, and I think I'm opening up more, but I still have that wall. There are so many benefits to having romantic relationships...well, in just having close relationships in general. According to several studies (I would list them if EBSCOhost was working for me), various aspects of maintaining healthy romantic relationships (e.g. self-disclosure) attributes to all sorts health benefits from lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol, etc. It also helps with mental stability as well. Just overall, one feels better about themselves when in a healthy romantic relationship.

I know most of the reason why I don't like the risk is because I have yet to really see a healthy romantic relationship in action (this is strickly in reference to my maternal side of the family as my father and his folks wasn't around). My mom never married, nor will marry anyone because she doesn't like to be in long term relationships. One of my aunts got married, but that was not a stable relationship from the get go (quite abusive actually) and so they got a divorce. My grandma didn't get married, although she lived with her "husband" for 16 years, and she refers to him as her husband. However, it was an abusive relationship as well, and has never been in another long term relationship since the age of 41. One of my uncles got married in the early 90s and still remains married to his wife, but it is really not a stable relationship. Everyone else has been doing their own thing--dating, but never really settling with anyone. For the most part, they don't even believe in romantic love.

I was different. I saw myself getting married and having a healthy romantic relationship. The more I learning about interpersonal communication (which talks about issues of close and romantic relationships a lot), the more I have faith that I can have successful relationships and eventually a successful marriage. I realize that in the end relationships with go through metamorphosis throughout its course, thus it takes both partners have to work through these changes to keep the relationship afloat.<<Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose>>

I definitely see myself opening up to the idea of dating. I have several "suitors" now-lol. It just that the only issue that I foresee is my lack of religious beliefs. It doesn't affect how I see them as people. I think all three of them are great guys in general with bright futures. Since they all live a ways from me, I won't see them until fall. So, I'm looking foward to what this school year will bring.